This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
