I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
