birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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