Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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