mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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