Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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