This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
