am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
