ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
