I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
