You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
