So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
