i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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