Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
