**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
