Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
