We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Randomize
