Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
