Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
