Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
