they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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