You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
