there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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