Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
