Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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