Already got asked if we're dating
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
