Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
