I seem to have left my pride at pride
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
