how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
