we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
zippers are such a cool invention
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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