when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
