So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
pray to the hookup gods
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
