It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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