So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
try to milk me bitch
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
