The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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