when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i think i just lost a toe
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
