Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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