I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So gin and wine won't be happening again
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
