Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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