Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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