Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
MIDGETS
????
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
