2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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