i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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