why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just want nice things and good sex
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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