no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
