Soap is not a condiment
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I touched a dick in church today
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
