I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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