Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
