Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
