This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
