what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
